Mister Lonely (2007)

Mister Lonely (NR)

"A few Eggs short of a dozen"

 Not as hard edged or shocking as most of Harmony Korine's films (Gummo, Julien Donkey Boy), it also is less surreal and less entertaining. The story of a Micheal Jackson impersonator finding kindred spirits while Werner Herzog and his miracle flying nuns seek sainthood, which somehow just isn't strange enough and is eclipsed by the films beautiful cinematography. Surprises abound, unfortunately they are just not deep seated enough to fully recommend for non believers.

6  Painted Eggs out of 10 (GOOD)

Stardust (2007)

Stardust (PG-13) - Review

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat"

 Attempting to reclaim the magic of Princess Bride, Stardust is about a young English man trying to woo the woman he loves by escaping into a fantastical realm of magic and pirates (its just over that low laying stone wall) but instead finding his true love is the last place you look. Filled to the brim with whimsy and CGI, Stardust mostly succeeds at not tripping on its own flippancy while maintaining a very high factor of silly. Neil Gaiman (graphic novelist extraordinaire) is responsible for the story while Layer Cake's Matthew Vaughn directs an all-star cast that includes Claire Daines as a fallen star, Robert De Niro as effete pirate (perhaps the star whos fallen the farthest), and a whole gaggle of British actors competing to the death for their Father's crown and other assorted roles. Watchable, but delight will depend on taste.

6 Wobbly Unicorn Horns out of 10 (GOOD)

Funny Games (2007)

Funny Games (R) - Review

"Douche Ex Machina"

An afluent family and their rural vacation home are besieged by two seethingly polite youths seeking entertainment through fear and torture.  A statement about the nature of violence and media gets drowned out by the crashing of its own fourth wall.  This film is the director's remake of his earlier 1997 foriegn language version, and probably something has been lost in translation to America.

Tim Roth (Pulp Fiction) and Naomi Watts (Mullholland Drive) play the parents trying to save their lives and their sons.  The two semi-immortal teen antagonists are relative unknowns who always mind their p's and q's as they terrorize their victims.  They are dressed in almost all-white tennis outfits (presumably before labor day), a pair of Kennebunkport killers who don't follow the rules of normal slasher movie villians.  In fact what they enjoy most is breaking those cinematic rules even as they demand the ones they make up be stringently followed.

Very Eurocentric in tone and philosophy, the winks at the camera come across as crass "I Told You Sos".  The mostly off-screen violence is tepid while the tension and anxiety is scalding, a convolution that works to drive the point home (while not sh*tting where it eats).  Naomi and the boys turn in terrific dread inducing performances, while Roth merely limps along.  The script is littered with red herrings, intelligently playing with the cliches and expectations of the modern thriller.  A furiously unfunny film packed with smirking tension, Funny Games mostly exists to cheat its audience out of what it wants most; to still be entertained by violence even as it tries to forget events like the Columbine Massacre ever happened.

5 Borrowed Eggs out of 10 (MEDIOCRE)

The Bee Movie (2007)

The Bee Movie (PG) - Review

"What is the deal with entomology?"

There are some that just despise Jerry Seinfeld's style of humor, so when he wrote this animated picture about a Bee who has a midlife crisis the results were bound to be divisive (and since it is PG rated very watered down).  The total results are lukewarm with some clever hit or miss jokes and some very iffy science about bee life.  In the end the Bees sue the humans for their theft of their honey and we the audience either chuckle or roll our eyes at all the kvetching.  Good cast, good marketing but humdrum animation/visuals and spirit just makes this one a drone instead of a queen.

5 Windshield Splats out of 10 (MEDIOCRE)