Expendables (2010)

Expendables (R)

"Turkey Jerky"

What’s not to love about gathering some aging action stars (and sub-stars), throwing them together in a movie just as an excuse to run around and blow stuff up? Turns out a lot, especially when half the movie is Stallone and Statham hamming it up in a buddy picture instead of the all-star romp it was sold as. Lundgren’s off the wall character was a high point for me in a movie full of lows. Some of the lowest include all the multiple cameos (Shwarz, Willis, Austin, Rourke etc.) that were cast only to have one or two lines and disappear to await the inevitable box office returns. The action itself is well directed and watchable but does nothing to elevate or polish the genre. While the story structure literally reads like “Part 1: action stars galore (who mostly sit around and talk) / Part 2: Forget all those guys we just introduced, Sly and Jason pal around for half an hour / Part 3: Ok, everyone get together and blow everything up.” The finale at least was mildly amusing (I never knew concrete was so explosive!) and almost reached that boiling point into true entertainment. However, due to choices by the filmmakers and Stallone, the movie ends up as just another lost opportunity. The title just makes it more ironic.

4 HGH Cocktails out of 10 (BAD)